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[Article] – Taglines With Tim: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!

 

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Posted April 2, 2017 by

 
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The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles have been spouting catchphrases, munching pizzas and perving on yellow cat suit wearing reporters for 33 years. Each generation has had their own incarnation of the heroes in a half shell, whether it be via comics, cartoons, or awful movies. Lets look at some taglines.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)

Heroes in a half shell!
Turtle Power!

Lean, Green And On The Screen.
They’re also clean teens who listen to Queen, or so I heard.

They’re mean, green and on the screen
These constant rhymes are getting obscene

This ain’t no cartoon.
You’ll notice a lot of emphasis on how this ain’t no cartoon, as if that means what takes place in this movie is some how based on real life events.

Lean, green and on the screen everywhere.
Memes, beams, dreams, seems, Beanz means Heinz

Hey dude, this is NO cartoon.
You’re right dude! It’s badly aging rubber effects and animatronics.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: Secret of the Ooze (1991)

Cowabunga, it’s the new turtle movie.
Without capital letters or exclamation points the cowabunga just sounds sarcastic. Oh yay. A new turtles film. Great.

Back by bodacious demand.

bodacious
bəʊˈdeɪʃəs/
adjective

excellent, admirable, or attractive.

“bodacious babes”

  • US

audacious in a way considered admirable.

So…back by admirable demand? Back by attractive demand? Why, it’s almost as if the marketing people just throw things they think kids say without any real understanding of what the fuck they are talking about.

Go ninja, go ninja GO!
Go Gadget go, go go Power Rangers…the were a lot of going’s back in the late eighties/early nineties

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3 (1993)

The most exciting adventure in 400 years
That’s a bit of a stretch. Even if it read “The most exciting adventure in 400 years to feature humanoid turtles that time travel back to feudal japan” I would still only be down for a maybe.

Turtles in time!
Fun fact no.1 Turtles in time was also the subtitle for the third tmnt video game, which has no connection whatsoever to this movie.
Fun fact no.2 An abbreviation of turtles in time is TIT.

The turtles are back…in time
After watching this film you wish you could take back…your precious time

Ancient Japan 1593. Without a map, without a clue, without a pizza
Without any funny jokes, without any decent action scenes, without any sense of fun or adventure whatsoever.

TMNT (2007)

Raising shell in 2007
Can’t believe it took this long for the first shell pun. Thought there would be a “shell” of a lot more by now…Sorry.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014)

Mysterious. Dangerous. Reptilious. You’ve never seen heroes like this.
Except for in the thirty years worth of comics, cartoons, video games, movies, live shows, spaghetti hoops…

Meet the new face of justice.
Pretty much the same as the old face but with added creepy noses.

Brothers become legends.
The kind of thing I whisper into the ear of my poor old tee total brother as he drives my drunken ass back home from the pub.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows (2016)

Raise some shell
Really!? All the shell puns and you’re just going to recycle that one again? Shell on earth! To shell and back! Bloody shell!

Brawl with bebop. Run with rocksteady
Salsa with Shredder. Karaoke with Krang.

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Tim Buckler
@BlockBusterMan
Tim’s Fortress Of Solitude
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